Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
