Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
