Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
