My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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