I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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