He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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