its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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