i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
