The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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