I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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