Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
