I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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