Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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