when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
