I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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