i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
