After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
