that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
