Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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