We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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