omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
