Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
