I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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