If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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