Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
