mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
