Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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