I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My Sexting was not on an AP level
and you fell through a lawn chair
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