i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize