piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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