'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
