you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
