Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
