Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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