Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
