new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
