I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
