i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
