The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
