the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So vagazzling was a success
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
