I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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