He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
