your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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