first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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