It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
