i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
