oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize