dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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