I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
