She's JV to your varsity
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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