I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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