i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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