my mouth tastes like poor choices
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
