Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
