Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize