Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
