Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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