So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize