Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's get the cat blown out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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