I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
