please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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