Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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