On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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