what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
