Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
