She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize