you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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