cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
