I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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