It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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