You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
