We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
