already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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