so explain again why im purple
no
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
