Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
