So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
